Entry No. 04 — Trends Are Erasing Identity
I think I’m having a hard time knowing what I actually like.
And that feels weird to admit.
Because I’ve always felt like I had a strong sense of taste. Like even if I couldn’t explain it, I knew when something felt right.
But lately, I don’t know.
I’ll put an outfit on and immediately question it.
Or I’ll look in my closet and feel like none of it is… enough? Or right? Or relevant?
And I hate that word, relevant.
I think a lot of it has to do with how much I’m looking at other people.
Which feels obvious, but it’s deeper than just “comparison is bad.”
Because social media is inspiring. It shows you new ways of dressing, new lives, new versions of yourself you didn’t even know existed.
But at the same time, it kind of removes the space to figure things out on your own.
Like you’re constantly referencing something.
And at some point, I stopped just getting dressed, and started thinking about how it would be perceived.
There was a moment when I noticed it.
When I started making content, I felt this pressure to make every outfit more interesting. More styled. More… something.
And instead of feeling creative, it just made me feel like I was never doing enough.
Which is exhausting.
There’s also this specific type of girl I keep comparing myself to.
Not even just girls around me, but the version of the “effortless European girl” that exists online.
Which is funny, because I live here, but I still feel outside of that version of it.
She has money, she shops all the time, everything she wears looks effortless but perfect.
And I’ll look at her, and then look at myself, and feel like I’m behind somehow.
Even though I never used to care about that.
I never cared about brands.
I never cared about being “on trend.”
I never felt like I needed to look like a certain kind of girl.
And now I’m like… wait, do I?
And the worst part is, I know what’s happening.
I don’t even want to feel like them.
I want to look like them.
Because looking like them feels like it gives you access to something.
Like you get to be seen a certain way.
Like you’re more desirable.
Like you belong.
And even saying that feels uncomfortable, but it’s true.
I think that’s where trends start to mess with you.
Because it stops being about expressing yourself, and starts being about trying to translate yourself into something recognizable.
We’re all pulling from the same references.
The same aesthetics.
The same girls.
And then wondering why everything feels the same.
I’ve tried to fit into a lot of those aesthetics.
Clean girl.
It girl.
Chic but cool.
And I can find pieces of myself in all of them, which is what makes it confusing.
But some of them feel so empty.
Especially the ones that feel the most “perfect.”
They don’t feel human.
They feel like a performance.
And I think as women, we already perform enough.
So when your identity starts to feel like something you have to optimize, it just becomes… a lot.
And I’m not above any of this.
I’ve bought things because I felt like I should.
I’ve posted things that didn’t feel like me and deleted them hours later because something felt off in my body.
Like I was looking at a version of myself I didn’t recognize.
Because comparison doesn’t just stay in what you wear.
It changes how you see yourself.
It makes you question where you are in your life.
What you’re doing.
Why it feels like everyone else is ahead.
And what does “ahead” even mean?
More money? More stability? More visibility?
Or just being seen more often?
Because maybe they’re not actually doing it better.
Maybe they’re just more visible.
I don’t think I’ve lost my taste.
I still know when something feels right.
But now there’s this extra layer of doubt on top of it.
Like, is it right, or is it just not what’s trending?
And when you’re constantly online, those lines blur.
You don’t always know if you like something because you genuinely do, or because you’ve seen it enough times to believe you should.
But I do know this;
When something is actually me, there’s no hesitation.
And when it’s not, I feel it immediately.
The only times I feel like myself lately are when I’m not thinking about any of this.
When I’m writing.
Or when I’m sourcing for Studio Gestern.
Because that feels instinctual.
Like seeing something and just knowing.
Not because it’s trending.
Not because it’s desirable.
Just because it’s good.
And I think that’s what I’m trying to get back to.
Not a specific style.
Not a specific version of myself.
Just trusting my own instinct again.
Because I’m still figuring it out.
I’m literally just a girl trying to understand what I like, what feels good, what feels like me.
And sometimes it feels like trends make that harder, not easier.
The internet gives you so much.
But it also kind of replaces parts of you if you’re not careful.
And I don’t really know where the line is yet.
I just know I want to find it.
Published March 2026
Vienna
